Immigrant? Expat? The question many (namely white or western) people living away from their home country ask themselves. A question others ask them, It’s rather controversial really. What really makes you either one. I mean, if you’re a digital nomad (another hot topic here in Spain), that’s an easy answer, you know you won’t be anywhere long. But for those that stay in one place for years? It’s hard to say.
Even for myself, I can’t really say what I am.
I guess it depends on what others define those qualifiers for each when living abroad as.
Are you going to stay here? I’m not sure. Where will you go next? I’m not sure.
Will you move back? I’m not sure.
The questions I’m asked frequently, by the new people I meet, when they want to know more of who I am. For the Spanish I meet it really decides whether or not they will bother to try and get to know you. Which makes connecting in here even more difficult than it is.
Am I an expat? Well I’m more integrated than the name implies for most. I go to Spanish speaking churches, I rarely ask people to speak in English, I attend events in Spanish.
Am I an immigrant? Well I don’t know if I count as that either. I’m not sure if I’ll stay here forever, I don’t speak Spanish at home.
You see, it’s not easy to define yourself as either for most.
But all I know is one day a few years ago I packed up and left. and now here I am today where I’ve experienced more of my adult life abroad than home in Canada. Of course I’ve travelled lots but I did that before too. Now, I’ve done courses; lived away from my parents; gotten engaged; planned a wedding; gotten married; gotten a dog; had a baby; moved a few times; and worked at a couple different places, all while living away from “home”. While it will always be “home” it’s not really “home” anymore, here can be, but sometimes I just feel that feeling of wanting to be “home” while neither here nor there feel quite right.
As a traveller, at times it’s strange. One day I have to desire to pack up and just go travel everywhere again. Although completely unreasonable for me at this current stage. Other days when we are travelling I get frustrated, just wanting to be back in my “own home” with stability and my own bed and not bouncing around anymore. I guess maybe the key to this is finding a balance, knowing my limit for travelling but still having time to see the world.
Maybe that’s why I’m not sure I will stay here forever, so I might have the opportunity to travel from a different home base and see new things.
Well then, I guess this is the reality of living abroad, a life full of conundrums, indecisiveness, and trade offs.